Getting Back on Track....

It's been a rough couple of weeks y'all!  Ever since getting bronchitis on my trip home I haven't been able to get it together!  Let's do a little recap....

I flew home November 26-30th..., Where I got "the crud"...

December 1st, we got our First Christmas Tree!

December 2nd:I stayed home from work....Sick.
December 3rd: I went home early from work....sick.  That evening I put the lights on my Christmas tree....I may or may not have had to google how to string lights...

December 4th: I went to the Dr, found out I barely missed out on phenomena, but still landed myself with bronchitis.  The Mr. sent me home to sleep after my Dr. Appt.  I also worked on decorating my Christmas tree....

 

And the Mr. hit bambi's mom....

 

 

 



December 5th: Was a normal day.
December 6th: We had the "great ice storm" of 2013, and we were SO slow at work that the MR. let me go home early....oh yea, and it was my birthday!  The Mr. woke me up with this beauty!

December 7th: I had a birthday breakfast date with my favorite father-in-law, (we let the MR. go too!) and we had planned to open the scrap yard, but it was SO cold & miserable, that when the lock on our gate was frozen shut, we called it a day and went home.  Then we packed out bags and the MR. took me on my annual birthday trip to our favorite B&B!  The weekend was complete with movies, a steak dinner, a hot tub, and some wine! 

 

 

December 8th: We headed back towards home, did some grocery shopping, met my in-laws for lunch, then spent the afternoon with them & helped my Mother-in-law get her Christmas Decorations out!  When we finally made it home, I got busy sewing my tree skirt & got my nativity set up!

It's far from perfect, but it turned out pretty well I think!

 

December 9th: When I just get to a point where I can fully function again.....I woke up at 3:30 am puking my guts out.  Just lovely.  I tried to go into work after lunch, but when I had to pull over and puke again, the MR. just told me to home.

TODAY:  I am at work, and I am alive.  I'm not puking, I don't have a fever, and I have just a tiny baby cough to deal with....and piles and piles of paper work to get through!  I just need to get some of my energy back! 

We haven't been to the gym since I left to go home to NY.  I haven't been packing the Mr's lunches, and my meal planning has gone out the window. Blah, Blah, Blah!  I've just been so tired lately that it's hard to get anything accomplished!

The Agenda for the rest of the week:

Make the MR. Red Beans & Rice, which isn't on my meal plan...
Sew our Stockings.
Wrap some Christmas Presents.
Think about doing some Christmas Baking.
GO to the gym.
My Sister's Choir has their Concert on Saturday evening.  My Dearest M-I-L is going to go with me while the Mr & my Favorite F-I-L go see the new Madea movie.

We'll see how much of that I actually get crossed off, and how much gets added and not finished!

I hope that y'all are doing well & staying warm, and hopefully I'll be getting back on track and back into routine!    

Lies and schemes

I've been telling you about this HUGE secret that I've been keeping!  Well, I can finally tell you!

See, I've gone to great lengths to keep this a secret for months.  I've lied. I've schemed. I've gotten other people in on my scheme.  If you knew how many people knew about this secret then you would be surprised that it remained a secret.  My hair dresser knew, even my chiropractor knew, and miraculously the secret hasn't gotten out!!!

Yesterday I kissed my husband goodbye, skipped work, made a quick stop at the DMV to get my license renewed, jumped a plane, and landed in a winter wonderland...otherwise known as Rochester, NY!!! 

I arranged for some of my long time family  friends to pick me up from the airport and drive me to my parents farm.  I had briefly thought about renting a car, but now I'm glad I didn't.  When the forecast calls for 10-12 inches of snow, this girl ain't playin' around in it!  I may have known how to drive in the snow in my younger years, but when I haven't driven in it since 2007, it's not something that I'm just going to make light of!

Oh yea, my parents had no idea that I was coming home!!!!!  See, I was suppose to go home this past September, but....we lost an employee and it made it so I wasn't able to go.  The MR & I talked it over, and it was really important to me that I make it home before the farm sells, so we bought my plane tickets for over Thanksgiving!  I knew that it would be one of the last Thanksgivings that my parents would have in NY, and I also knew that my mom could probably use an extra set of hands baking pies for the Deli!

I was suppose to fly into Rochester at 4:30... Well, the plane that was suppose to take me from Memphis to Rochester got held up on Chicago due to mechanical issues! They had to turn the plane around and get a new plane! That made me miss my flight from Orlando to NY. So at 9:00 last night I was sitting in the Baltimore airport!

I had to call my dad and let him in on my lil secret because I needed a way home because I wasn't going to be flying in until 11:15 PM, and the airport is an hour from my parents house! Oh, and NY is getting hit with a snow/ice storm! Lovely, right?


I ended up finally getting in to the Rochester Airport at 12:15, and the roads were HORRIBLE!  Like, there weren't any lanes.  You just had to drive and make up your own lane!!!!  What should have taken us 45-60 minutes to get to my parents house took us until 2 AM!  My dad is a Saint! 

I snuck in the house, and got all my belongings in my old bedroom, making sure to keep the door open only as much as my mom had it open, so that she wouldn't notice anything funny about it.

I woke up this morning to a sweet good morning text from my MR around 7:00, and then went outside to decide whether or not I wanted to walk to the farm or call my dad to come and get me.  Luckily, He had just arrived to plow the driveway! 


We drove the horribly long distance (1/2 mile) to the farm, where I FINALLY got to surprise my mom!  It was well worth the extra travel time it took to get home!

I had put together a video for you, but I can't seem to get it uploaded to be able to post it....so you'll just have to wait to see it!

I hope y'all have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and enjoy spending time with your families!  I'll be headed back to Mississippi Saturday Afternoon, just in time to go Christmas Tree Shopping with my fav! 



xoxo,

Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow.....

Yesterday...I did this!

 



Yup...that forreal happened.  It's a pretty huge accomplishment for me!  A month ago I couldn't run 6 minutes straight, let alone 60!!!  I started off with a 5 minute brisk warm up.  Then I bumped it up to run a mile.  When I finished my mile, I walked for about a minute, and then realized that I still felt good, so I decided to try and run another mile!  Before I knew it I was at 30 minutes, and STILL felt good, so I decided to run for 45 minutes....When I got to 45 I thought "heck, I made it this far, why not push for 60!".  I did REALLY good until about 55 minutes, and then I had to get the MR. to come run the last 5 minutes with me for moral support, cause I was fading fast!  Sure, a 12 minute mile isn't my dream pace, but right now it's my comfortable pace, and it's the pace that allowed me to run 60 minutes, so I'll take it and be proud of it!

Yesterday I made these....

 

Energy Balls and....

Healthy fudge! 

The energy balls are chalk full of healthy fats, nuts, carbs & protein!  A perfect little morsel for a healthy snack on the go, with no added sugar, flour or dairy!  The "healthy" fudge is also made with healthy fat (coconut oil), natural peanut butter, cocoa, & Vanilla.  I added some pecans and shredded coconut to the top at the last minute!  Both are stored in the fridge!

Today....I woke up to this...

So I put my Dog in this....

And my Office doesn't have heat!  Normally I just rely on this...

But today we had to pull out the big guns, and added this....

And Poor Molly was still cold, so she whined and did this....

 until I let her come sit on my lap...

Pitiful, isn't she???

Tomorrow.... This dear man (papaw is on the far right) is having heart surgery...

It's not "major heart surgery", but to me, anything with heart and surgery is pretty major!  My Sweet M-I-L is currently on the road, driving to Houston, and will be there for the next 2+ weeks, leaving the rest of us to fend for ourselves for thanksgiving! 

Tomorrow I also have a HUGE secret to reveal...one that I've bee hiding for MONTHS now!  Gah! I can hardly contain my excitement!!!!! 

Have a WONDERFUL Today, and try to stay warm!!!!

xoxo,

36 day Juice Fast {30 by 30}

One of the items on my 30 by 30 list is to complete a 30 day juice fast.  When I originally made my 30 by 30 list, it was just something that I wanted to see if I could do...but it ended up being something that has completely transformed by life, and my perspective on food!

Yesterday, I completed a 36 day juice fast.  I realize that 36 days is an odd number, but I somewhat cheated.  See, Juicing every single morning for the entire day just wasn't feasible with the Mr's and my current schedule.  We are already too busy, and I already had enough on my plate trying to get our gym bags packed, and get myself out the door in the mornings, and in the evenings after we got home from the gym, my evenings are filled with preparing the Mr's Dinner and Lunch for the next day.  I also only go grocery shopping every 2 weeks since we live so far away from good grocery stores that my vegetables were going bad before I could juice them!  SO, I would spend an afternoon juicing and then freeze the juice in freezer bags, then thaw them out the night before!  Sure, I probably lost some nutrients in the juice along the way, but that was something that I was willing to sacrifice to keep some level of sanity!  So, had to finish the juice that was in the freezer!

This juice fast has been SO good for me!


I know that it seems probably odd to you that I would do a juice fast, especially after my post yesterday.  But, at this point in my life, my eating disorder didn't really have to with NOT eating or starving myself, it had more to do with having the control to use food to comfort myself, and having the control to make myself throw up, when I felt like the rest of my life was out of control.  I really feel like this juice fast has been what I needed to conquer my eating disorder once and for all.  It's not to say that I will never be tempted, or even fail in the future, but it has really helped change my perspective on a lot of things! 

This juice fast helped me to learn to NOT use food to comfort myself or deal with stressful situations.  Instead of turning to food to get me through stressful situations, I learned out to work through them in a healthy way!


It also helped change my perspective of food in general!  Food is meant to provide sustenance and energy for us!  Our bodies were created to tell us when we are hungry, and I'm hoping that as I start introducing food back into my diet, I can continue to eat mindfully and make wise decisions about what I choose to put into my body!

I feel better!  I can't remember the last time I had a headache!  I have a more energy than I have had in a LONG time!  My alarm goes off at 5 AM, and it's not a struggle to get out of bed in the morning.  Before, my husband would have a hard time getting me up  by 6:30.  Now, sometimes I'm awake before him!

Through Juicing, I found out that I have some food intolerances!  I won't pretend to tell you that I was perfect through out this juice cleanse.  Let's face it, you can't cook and NOT taste the food to see if it needs something else.  And asking the MR. to come taste it and then tell me what it needed just wasn't working.  I also one evening had a few bites of this delicious mixture of corn, cream cheese & rotel, which made my head break out 2 days later... And then, from the red, rashy stage, it turns into a scaly, dry itchy mess.  Finally, 5-7 days later, it clears up! It's NOT FUN.

Then one morning I had 1/3 of a latte, and my head broke out even worse.  SO, I'm continuing to cut out all corn, dairy & sugar for now, as well as gluten.

Juicing also nip my cravings in the bud.  I no longer crave sugar, junk food, or processed foods at all.  Once in a while I think, "Boy, a Mcdonald's breakfast would be good," but then I realize that I don't even really want it, it's just a bad habit.  The Mr & I even talked ourselves out of going to eat Mexican a few nights ago because we knew that we would feel TERRIBLE afterwards!

I was actually able to work out during my juice fast!  I wasn't sure that I was going to be able to, but I felt fine throughout all of my workouts!  I never once felt light headed or dizzy.  I would feel drained after my workouts, but that to be expected after any workout, at least in my experience!


Would I say that a juice fast is for everyone?  No, I sure wouldn't!  If you are interested in juicing, I recommend that you watch the movie "Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead".  When I watched it 9 months ago, it was on netflix!  I don't know it if still is or not though!  It's REALLY insightful!

I'm a little nervous, because that last time I was juicing I completely fell off the band wagon and went hog wild.  I feel different about it this time though.  I feel more in control of myself and the situation.  I understand more about food & nutrition, and how my body reacts to it now!  This is probably THE WORST time of year to be avoiding all things sugar, flour and casserole, but I know that if I can make it through this season then I can make it through anything!  I'm also a lot more prepared this time around as far as preparing food and having TONS of delicious recipes to pick from!

Overall, this has been a very positive experience for me, and I would definitely do it again!  I AM looking forward to reintroducing food back into my diet!  It will be nice to actually get to EAT the food that I cook!  I've already been practicing cooking without all the foods that I'm avoiding on my MR, so it's not going to be any different now that I get to join him in eating!

I STILL plan to incorporate juicing into my diet because I think it's really good for me, and helps me get some added nutrients, just not for 3 meals a day!  

This Morning I had a delicious breakfast of some pomegranate seeds & a hard boiled egg!  It was the first time I have EVER tried pomegranate seeds, and I'm still undecided about them! I REALLY like the juicy part, but I'm still not quite so sure about the crunchy part.  It kind of reminds me of a crunchy, dried out corn kernel.

No!  I DID NOT eat the entire bowl!!!!

For lunch I'm having a salad with sautéed veggies, salsa, and a touch of seasoned ground beef from one of my MR's meals at the beginning of the week! 

Dinner is left over salmon, and probably some kind of salad or veggies!

If you hadn't eaten in 36 days, what would YOUR first meal be?

It's getting real here y'all... {My story}

I decided it was time for me to share something that I have struggled with for Eleven years, and have just recently began to start to get it under control!

When I was a middle school up through my mid teen years I was always a little pudgy.  Looking back now, I realize that at this young age I had already developed such an unhealthy relationship with food.  I was queen of sneaking food when no one was around and pigging out!  My favorite go to binge was spaghetti with butter and cheese.  I don't know where or how I developed that horrible habit, but it is one that has plagued me through out the years.  It wasn't like my parents ever deprived me of food, it was just that I loved the thrill of eating something that I wasn't supposed to, when I wasn't supposed to be eating anything!  I learned at too young of an age to use food as comfort instead of sustenance.  I also learned about the guilt that would come along with pigging out.

If you didn't already know, kids are MEAN.  I also learned at too young of an age that skinny = beautiful & fat = ugly.  My classmates were quick to point that out.  Even some of the people that I considered to me my close  friends would be quick to point out that I wasn't attractive because I was chunky.  Of course, I know now that being considered beautiful is more than just a clothing size or a number on the scale, but I'd be lying if I said that I still didn't struggle with than mentality!

When I was 16, I started dating a guy that was MUCH skinnier than I was, and for the first time in my life I started to loose weight and slim down.  Unfortunately, I became obsessed with loosing weight and getting skinny.  It was engrained into my head that to ever be considered beautiful I HAD to be skinny.  When I got down to 126 lbs, my sister called me out on the fact that I looked sick.  I brushed her off and continued on my merry little way of barely eating anything at all, and if I did feel like I ate too much, ate something that was "naughty", or used food to deal with my emotions, I would make myself throw up.  I eventually came to learn which foods were easier to "purge" that others, so when I became fixated on having one of my binges I would know which foods to eat.  I had this process down to a science.  

Sometime in the 4 months before I turned 18, I lost my obsession with being so skinny, and regained about 30 lbs.  I would go on yo-yo diets, and worked out semi-consistently, and once in a while would revert back to bulimia when I would use food to deal with stressful and emotional situations.  

I entered my freshman year of college in 2005 weighing around 140 lbs.  And you know what they say about the freshman year?   Except for me, it was the Freshman 25, all in the first semester.  College was a really stressful time for me.  A lot of pretty crappy things happened, and I would always revert to food during stressful and emotional times.  But it was all in secret.  I was ashamed of it.

Skip ahead to the summer of 2007.  I was living in Virginia at the time and moved in with a girl who was a vegetarian.  I also adapted the vegetarian lifestyle for the next 9 months and went from 165 lbs down to around 140.  It was probably the healthiest way I had ever lost weight  before.  I would still revert back to my eating disorder every once in a while in stressful situations, using food for comfort and then feel guilty about it and force myself to throw up.  The odd thing was, being in control of throwing up was a comfort in and of itself.  I would almost look forward to it.

When I moved to Mississippi in the Spring of 2008, I remember weighing in at around 140 lbs.  Well, Mississippi cooking is a whole lot different than any other cooking I had ever been around, and I instantaneously gained 10-15 pounds.

In the past 5 1 1/2 years I still struggled with maintaining weight.  I would always fluctuate between 140-155 lbs, never being satisfied at whatever weight I was at.  I would go on all sorts of yo-yo diets and scams, and even tried out some weight loss pills along the way.  All the while still dealing with a really unhealthy relationship with food. 

Food was my comfort, it was my friend when I was lonely.  It made me feel better when I was stressed.  I would go through these times when I was so fixated on binging on food that I couldn't focus on anything else until I gorged myself with all sorts of food, and then (you guessed it) threw it all back up again.  I couldn't even begin to estimate the hundreds of dollars that I wasted through the years, or the damage that I have done to my body.  

Last winter, through a bunch of research, and some lab work done through a private lab, I came to find out that I have a thyroid issue, that I found can be mostly managed by diet and exercise.  I did a 6 day cleanse, and then did a 3 week juice fast.  I had never felt better!  Most of my issues had cleared up, and I had TONS of energy for the first time in my life!.  But then I "cheated".  I tasted of the forbidden foods, and it was ALL over.  From April-September of this year I struggled non stop to get back on the wagon and begin to eat how I knew that my body needed me to eat.  But the power that food had over me was stronger than my desire to be healthy.  

Finally, this September I had enough.  I weighed the most I have EVER weighed in my life, I tipped the scales at .... ok, I'm not ready to admit that number yet, and I felt like crap all of the time.  One morning laying in bed, I just burst into tears  realizing just how much weight I had gained, and decided that something had to change.  I went back and I redid my cleanse, and it was way harder than the first time around.  I didn't really want to blog about it, because I was so scared that people would judge me for failing repeatedly before and think that I was just going to fail again.  But I did it.  As of today, I have completed a 36 day juice fast.  It has been a great experience, and I feel amazing!  I can't say I have been 100% perfect at it, I would have a literal bite of food here and there, and I did have 1 cheat night, that I paid dearly for, but all in all, I would say that I was successful!  Now I can cross that one off my 30 by 30 list!

I don't know when exactly it happened, but somewhere along they way my perspective of food has changed.  There is one day that will stick with me for a very long time.  The MR & I were not having a very good day, and were exceptionally grumpy with each other.  Those days are NOT fun when you work together!  On top of that, things were stressful at work; it was just a culmination of everything at once!.  This was the kind of day where I would have normally stopped by a fast food joint, or a gas station and stocked up on a whole bunch of junk food to eat while I was running errands, but the thought didn't even cross my mind, until I was at the gym later that evening and realized that the temptation to use food as an emotional crutch never happened.   

Tomorrow, I reintroduce food back into my diet.  I'm slightly scared that once I start to eat food again all of my bad habits and desires are going to come rushing back in on me like a tidal wave.  Anorexia and Bulimia is something that I will probably always struggle with from time to time.  As apprehensive as I am, I'm also excited to begin a new way of eating, and continue forming a new relationship with food, focusing on it as nutrition for my body instead of a crutch for my emotions.

You might be wondering why I am sharing all of this with you.  I am not proud of where I have come from.  I am not proud of the damage that I have done to my body.  But I also refuse to hide it away and pretend like it never happened.  It happened, and it was wrong.  Instead of turning to Jesus, I turned to food.  But now, only through the Grace of God, I have overcome that part of my life.  As much as I which I could go back and make better decisions from the get go, I can't.  Every part of my life has made me to be the person that I am today.  I don't know why God chose this certain area in my life to be a temptation & a trial, but through His sovereignty He did, and while I failed him over & over again, He continues to forgive and love me in spite of my weakness.  It is only through HIS strength that I will be able to daily overcome my battle.

To the reader out there that struggles with anorexia, bulimia or other eating disorder.  Please, get help, seek counseling, find your hope and strength in the Promises of Jesus!  I don't know what the under lying issue are that you are dealing with that are causing you to revert to eating disorders, but there is hope!  You do not have to battle this alone!  As someone who has struggled with this for 10+ years, I know that this is something that you too can over come.  I am sure that I will continue to be tempted, and there may even be days that I will fail, but I know that it IS possible to beat this!  


I'm really putting myself out there, and being real & raw today. I  DO understand that with blogging, and with putting yourself out there like I did today, that you are allowing your self to be judged and criticized by others.  This is one of the reasons why I haven't blogged about this before.  SO....  if you have something negative or judgmental to say, then I ask you to leave your thoughts to yourself! Thanks!    

If you came over for coffee today....

If you came over for coffee today....

...I would tell you about my parents selling their farm.  It's really hard to explain what all it is that they do.  But their not so little road side market and deli is a staple in the small community that I grew up in.  My grandparents started it in 1972 as a road side produce stand, and it flourished from there.  In 1998 my grandparents "retired" to Florida and my parents took over. 

 

I would tell you about the memories that I had growing up there, the summers that I spent working there.  Most days you could have found me working in the deli, slicing meats & cheeses, scooping icecream, making subs & hamburgers, and even baking.  And some afternoon you would find me barefoot in the black muckland hoeing or picking my rows of pickling cucumbers, or cutting gladiolas that would be bunched together and sold. 

 

 

I would tell you that growing up I thought that this life was so unfair, that the kids my age got to spend their summers playing all day and sleeping in while I spent my summers slaving away.  But in all reality, I didn't have it that bad.  In fact, I know that I am better off for it.  This is where I learned people skills.  This is where I learned how to bake.  This is where I learned to count back change, without a machine telling me how to do it, when I wasn't much older than 6.  This is where I learned to work efficiently, to use my head to save my feet as my mom would say.  They tried to teach me to wash dishes, but I'm still terrible at it.  This place, it is where I learned life.

 

 

 

I would tell you that where I grew up you could leave your keys in the car and your front door unlocked and no one would bother you.  When I went to public school my entire grade consisted of 35 kids, and our town only has 1 traffic light. 

 

 

 

 

We would talk about how it makes me really sad that my parents have decided to sell, because that farm was such a huge part of my life.  My own children will not spend summers working in the deli with Grammy, and won't get to drive the tractor with Pop-pop.  But intermixed with that sadness is happiness & joy.  My parents, who have worked 12 hour days, 6 days a week, for years finally get to slow down.  All the stresses that come with running a small business, finding and holding on to the good employees, and putting up with the crappy ones, taxes, finances, etc, it will no longer be a factor in their day to day life.  When I have a baby my mom will be able to come and stay with me and not have to worry about who quit while she was gone, or what work wasn't getting done.  My parents might actually get to see my future kids more than 1 or 2 times a year, they will get to see them grow up through more than Texts and Skype.  My mom might actually get to sit down and eat a leisurely breakfast every morning.  So in the midst of my sadness of the season that is drawing to a close, springs up joy and happiness for the season that my parents are about to embark on.  I would tell you that God is Good.

 

 

After I got done telling you about the farm, I would show you the bag of peanuts that arrived today!

 

 

And then I would get you to try one with me since the MR. won't. 

   

And we would find out that they kind of taste like Raw Peas...but Bitter. 

 

Then we would probably talk about recipes and grocery shopping, and what is on sale at Kroger this week, and I might even try to convince you to go grocery shopping with me after work!  I'd bribe you with a Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte.  And of course you would give in and say yes, because who turns down a Pumpkin Spice Latte?

 

But of course, as good coffee dates always do, they must draw to an end, and I must get back to the stacks of paperwork that have to get done before the end of the day... And we would awkwardly hug, because I'm kind of a touch-me-not, and am not a huge fan of hugs, unless it's close family or the MR... 

Have a GREAT weekend!