Saturday, June 15, 2013

Why we decided to wait.....

This poat has been a long time coming.  I was too nervous before writing it because I didn't want to offend anyone, and I didn't want people to feel like I was defending my position!)
I don't know about you,
But I think newborn babies are just the sweetest things ever.
There is nothing more heart melting than holding a precious, tiny, hours old baby.
They are soft,
They smell divine,
Your heart just literally melts.
I LOVE babies...

When my husband and I were dating/engaged we had the "child" talk.
When, How many, names, etc...
We decided to wait a few years before we started having children.
Don't get me wrong...
We both have a strong desire to have a baby.
We do not think that children are a burden.
We honestly believe that children are a blessing.
If we had gotten pregnant we would have been completely fine with it!
I know without a shadow of a doubt that the Mr. will make a GREAT dad,
whether it was 10 months after we got married,
or in another 2 years.
Holding this little guy gives us baby fever every time.
So you're probably thinking...
"So if babies aren't a burden, then why are you waiting.  You're contradicting yourself!"
And maybe I am.
Maybe we are being selfish.
But I wouldn't trade this past year with just "us" for anything.
The Mr. & I only dated for 4 months before we got engaged.
And by dated, I mean we had only known each other 4 months.
We met July 2nd,
went on our 1st date July 3rd.
I ignored him for the next 2 weeks,
I gave him another chance,
 We were engaged October 29th,
(but we started planning at the beginning of October),
And were married March 31st,
Almost 9 months to the DAY that we met.
We needed time to be just us.
We needed time to get to know each other.
When I think back even just a year ago to when we got married,
I realize how little we actually knew about each other.
Then when I think about when we got engaged
the word "CRAZY", & "INSANE" comes to mind.
I don't regret it.
The only thing we regret was not getting married sooner.
We were told in our marriage counseling that our plans and reasoning for waiting were selfish.
That if we were ready to get married,
ready to have sex,
then we were ready to have kids.
But the Mr. wasn't ready.
We weren't ready as a couple.
If we had gotten pregnant,
we would have been excited.
But that was not our plan.
We had just around $16,000 of debt to pay off.,
we had ZERO savings,
and we were living in my in-laws 900 sq ft house,
which was SUCH a blessing,
and it was perfect for 2 of us,
(but sometimes way to small!),
but would not have fit 3 of us!
And we weren't in a position to buy a house.
I truly believe in the sovereignty of God.
If God has blessed us with a child,
it would have been fine,
God would have provided us with everything we needed,
and we wouldn't have been able to imagine our lives without our baby.
We tried being on the pill,
but that only lasted a few months,
it was awful.
Going off the pill made me realize just how terrible the pill is for you.
I've been off it for 10 months and my cycle is just barely starting to return back to normal!
We then switched to the FAM method of birth control.
I would HIGHLY recommend this book.
I would recommend it whether you are trying or not trying to get pregnant,
or if you just wanted to learn more about your body.
It's really, really informative.
Believe me,
If God wanted us to have a baby,
we would have had one by now.
I'm fairly certain that there were several months when I didn't follow all the signs.
So what about now?
We have a house,
We are out of debt,
We have some savings...
Why are we still waiting?
I realize that there is never a good time to have a baby.
You will never be "ready".
And when you think you are ready
you find our that you really aren't.
Now we are mainly waiting for me to get healthy.
You might think I'm crazy.
I'm not "unhealthy",
I don't have some major illness that needs to  be cured.
But I am not at optimal health.
My sister had a heart attack when she had my niece.
She was a healthy 30 something woman,
and she had no health problems at all.
It's not really related to me,
the likelihood of it happening to me is very slim,
but it was scary enough that before I even put my body through pregnancy,
I want to be at the most optimal health I can be at.
And I'm here to tell you that I am not there yet.
I was getting there,
and then I completely fell of the band wagon.
My Dr. told me at my yearly that I needed to lose weight and get in shape before getting pregnant.
I have about 25 lbs to lose,
So basically I'm at the weight I should be at when I'm 10 months preggo.
We need to get in the habit of eating healthy.
We were doing that,
We were doing really good at it.
Now....not so much.
I don't want to get pregnant and THEN try and be healthy.
It won't happen.
Sonic is on may way to the bank people...
We are fairly certain that I have a thyroid problem (self diagnosed),
which causes me to have abnormally high cholesterol, among other things.
We had resolved most of the symptoms when I was experiencing,
but then it became not so important to me...
Stupid, I know!!!
So now, we are almost back to square 1 as far as that goes.
We have a few other issues that need to be resolved or have a solution for,
but that's another story for another day.
What's the point of this post?
I guess at the end of the day
I want to encourage you that it's your choice,
it's what is right for you and your family.
It's a decision that you and your spouse need to be making prayerfully before God.
Nobody needs to pressure you to have a baby.
It's really not anyone else's business!
My sister waited 5 years to have a baby,
they don't regret it,
in fact they encourage it,
And they are the  best parents that I know!
Another one of my friends from college got pregnant on their honeymoon,
they don't regret it,
and they encourage not waiting too!
 My Best friend waited 2 years,
And that was right for them!
I don't think any of them are wrong or selfish!
I'm not here to tell you to wait or not to wait.
I'm not here to defend our position in waiting.
I'm not one of those "feel good" people.
If it "feels right" then do it!
I think that thinking gets you into trouble and isn't biblical.
I think that there are very clear things in scripture that blow "feeling" good out of the water.
Sex Before Marriage,
Getting Drunk,
and the list goes on.
But I do believe that things like when to have a baby are a personal decision,
that isn't one that should be judged by other people.
That decision is between you, your husband, and God.
If you feel like God is leading you to have a baby,
then it would be wrong for you to actively try to prevent it!
Believe me.  If/when God chooses to bless you with a baby,
you're going to have a baby!

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