Friday, January 4, 2013

Going from an 'I' to a 'we'

(Get ready for a long read!)
Before the Mr. & I got married, I had lived on my own. For a very.long.time.  I graduated at 16, stayed at home (home is in Arkport, NY.  A tiny town in the middle of upstate NY that has 1 traffic light, not much else, but it's quiet, peaceful, and as the most beauitul Autumn that you can imagine)
and worked for my parents for a year.  4 months before I turned 18, I moved in with my sister.  Then I did a college stint, where I lived with 10 (that's right, I said 10) girls (you know...girls, that have PMS, get cranky, laugh, cry, love to talk, & all need bathroom time etc...) in a trailer (not a double wide either.  A small Trailer.  10 girls. 3 bedrooms.  2 bathrooms.), and that was an experience.  I met some really great people there, namely, my best friends Cassandra,
(she's the little cute one of the right!  Those, where our over sided work shirts!)
   I decided after 3 semesters of being a Piano Pedagogy major at a bible college in Dunbar Wisconsin (Northern Wisconsin, as in almost Canada.  Where it got to -60, with LOTS of snow, and you wouldn't see the sunshine for DAYS), that I was miserable, and I wasn't going back. So, what did I do?  I get on, and found a nanny job.  In Virginia.  So, I packed my few belongings into my Chevy Impala and drove the 500+ miles to my new home on Chesapeake Ave. I started Nannying for Taylor in January of 2007...I fell in LOVE with this little girl!  
And woke up to this every morning!
I nannied for Taylor for 7 months, then I went to China and taught English at a local university for 4 weeks.
(Hiking up the Great Wall of China!)
After I got back, I moved in with one of my friends and began working for LifeTouch Preschool portraits in the mornings, and served tables in the evenings! Through a bit of heart break, and I came to realize how important family was.  I was right in the middle of my parents in NY, My sister in Mississippi, and my other sister in Florida.  So, I let my sister in Mississippi find an apartment for me.  Once again I packed up everything I owned into my Chevy Impala, and I made the 15 hour drive to Senatobia, MS, where I lived in the cutest little apartment for the next year. 

I started off working at Chili's From June-November, and then I got a Job working at Red Lobster, where I worked from November of 2008-July of 2011.  During this time, I moved from Senatobia to Southaven in May of 2009, where I lived in 2 different apartments until August of 2011.  I got a job at BancorpSouth in March of 2011, and quite my job at Red Lobster on July 2nd, 2011, the day that I met the love of my life, at table 16!  He moved me from my apartment on Church Rd, 1 1/2 miles down the road into a house that I rented with another girl.  And he swore he wouldn't move me again until we got married...and he moved me into the house that we live in now, the last week in December of 2011, where he was my next door neighbor until we got married! 
All of this to say...I was extremely independant!  I was used to living on my own.  Making my own decisions.  I had tons of life experience under my belt!  I was used to paying my own bills, doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.  I made a TON of mistakes, but learned from them along the way!  I was also fairly good with my money, but when all the bills were on my shoulders, I learned what a budget really looked like.  I wasn't always responsible, and got into a little credit card debt (which is thankfully all paid off!), but all of my bills got paid, on time, every time!
Two nights before my wedding day, I got an e-mail from my dad.  My dad is pretty much the best dad. Of.All.Time.  He will tell you to this day that he raised all 3 of us girls to be independant, so that we would be able to live on our own by the time we were 18, and be responsivle adults!  He told me how proud of me he was,  that Jt was "one lucky dude", and that He though I had made a good choice in the man I was going to marry.  He challanged me by telling me that our marriage would either be good, or bad, it just depended on how I made it.  It was up to us to be commited to each other, and be commited to living in peace.  And then He told me that my challange was going to be learning to put myself under my new husband's authority.   Yes, I do have input into decions that are made, but the final decision comes from my husband, even if I don't agree.  And when he makes mistakes, my job is still to support him, respect him, forgive him, and not remind him of the mistakes He had made in the past!  He urged me to use my Mom as an example of how to Treat and Respect Jt. 
I'm not gonna lie.  Leaning to submit to my Husband has been a challange for me!  I was so used to living on my own, that sometimes I think that I know better than him, because he hadn't lived on his own until we got married.  The only bills he had to pay were notes on his "toys" & trucks.  It's a daily struggle for me to let him have the final say, and then not have an "I told you so" attitude when He makes a decision that I disagreed with, and it didn't end up well.  But how can I expect him to learn & grow when I don't want him to be the leader.  I learned by making decions & learning from my mistakes.
We've been married for 9 months.  I love my husband with all my heart.  I love that I get to spend every day with my best friend.  I love that even when we argue we choose love over anger and bitterness every time.  We choose to forgive!  I've learned that He needs my RESPECT more than He needs my "love", but the two go hand in hand!  I can say 1 thing, in 2 completely different ways, and get two completely different results.  The one He will feel Respected, and the other He will feel like I don't respect him at all.  I wish I could take back some of the cutting words & remarks I have made.  I have so much to learn about Respecting Him & being the wife that God has called me to be!   
In the past 9 months I have seen how Selfish I can be, usually by how unselfish my Love is!  I am selfish in every area of my life. I'm selfish with my time, our money, my words & attitudes.  I'm working on this.  My Love shows me grace daily, and continues to serve me, even when I'm being a bratt! 
Going from an "I" to a "we", from a Miss, to a Mrs. sure hasn't been the easiest transition of my life.  But I wouldn't change it for anything.  Besides, when your a Mrs. you basically get to have a slumber party with your bestie!  There is no other person that I would choose to live my life with! 


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