Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Lessons from the Pavement....

Dear wanna-be-runner,
You lace up your shoes,
Put in your head phones,
And head down the driveway.
Your goal? 
To get through the next 30 minutes without falling out.
You didn't expect me to notice you've  been gone, did you?!
That hill up there is going to try and eat you alive.
You're going to be half way up it and want to quit.
And when you finally get up it and down the other side the little voice in your ear tells you it's time to turn it around and head back home again, and you hate your life.
So Here are some lessons from me to you.  You might think that I hate you, don't fret my dear, I do it's called tough love.
Lesson one:  Either choose the pansy route with not as many hills, or get a really tall stick with a neon flag at the top to run with so that oncoming traffic can see you as you top the hill that has already tried to kill you.  You had a close call yesterday.  And what were you thinking looking at your phone to see how much longer you had to run?  Eyes up blondie,  I can't have a squished body all over me!
Lesson Two: You are going to feel pains in places that you didn't feel before.  And you might even jiggle a little more than you every remember jiggling before.  It's ok.  I will pound them firm. 
Lesson Three: 10k free by Zen Labs is the way to go.  It seems a little easy right now, but just wait, it's gonna get hard!
Lesson Four: You are going to miss your old route like crazy.  All the twists and curves made your run a lot more enjoyable, and you used to know all your mile markers.  The crazy dogs that chased you every time were at .5 miles, the bend in the road was at 1.00,  the yellow sign by the creek was 1.5 miles, the 2nd drive way of the brick out was 2 miles, and when you finally reached the end of the road you were at 2.5 miles.  Then it was time to turn around and go home.  Now, it's just a straight shot.  No twists or curves.  No crazy dogs. Nada.  It's ok though.  Now you have hills to deal with.

Lesson 5: When you get home, go ahead and water your plants.  Use the hose to cool off with if you want to.  And make sure to pick any early bloomers.  It will make you happy to see that you did something right! Because you clearly suck at running.
Lesson 6: Then when you have finished with that light the grill and get dinner on! I mean seriously, did you think that just because you went running you got out of doing housework?
Oh, and make sure to remember to go back later with the 4-wheeler and check out those blackberry bushed that you found.  That might come in handy.  And there will be no stopping to pick them when you're on my time. 
See you next time Sucker!

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