Oh be careful little mouth what you say.....

 

For those of us that have seen Bambi... (You might  be asking yourself, "Who HASN'T seen Bambi?" But the answer would be, MY MR!!!!!?)

 

It seems like such an elementary thing, doesn't it?  Something that our Mom's taught us when we were just wee little tykes....  But somehow, as we age, we for some reason think that we have the right to say whatever we want, to whoever we want, because it's MY OPINION, and It's MY RIGHT to express it. 

 

Sure, as Americans, we have the right, to freedom of speech, we have the right to express our own opinions and to think for ourselves.

 

But, why do we have to be so mean?  What gives us the right to be cruel?  Why is it ok to use our words to cut down another person?  

 

Why is gossip so fun?  Why does cutting other people down bring us so much joy?  Why do we feel that it's necessary to be so ugly to each other?  The truth hurts, so deal with it, right?  

 

I KNOW personally, just how deep words can cut.  I know how hard it is to deal with someone that is just down right ugly, for no reason.  I understand the pain of  dealing someone that bashes you, and talks bad about you to other people, and gossips about you.  It really sucks.  

 

I'm at fault here too.  I am so, so, so, so, so guilty of the very same thing....  I have said thing to people in my life, I have used my words to be ugly, I have gossiped about people that I love, and I know that I have caused other people incredible pain with the words that have come out of my mouth.  And for what purpose?  Because I thought I had a right to say what I thought?  Because I made myself feel BIGGER by cutting down someone else?  Because it made me feel more Godly to show how great I was and how terrible someone else is?  Because I took joy in exploiting someone else's faults?  I have failed time & time again when it comes to this.  Thankfully, some people have given me grace & forgave me for the thoughtless things that come out of my mouth.  Sure, there are people that haven't, but let's face it, I can't demand their forgiveness.  And you know what, maybe the person that I spoke so ill of never found out, PHEW, I'm safe, right?  But, think about it.  If one of your friends comes to you and shares something horrible with you about another person that you don't really know, your opinion and perspective of that person is now tainted by something that might not even be true! 

 

So now, I'm dealing with two separate issues.  Reel it back on in Hillary....

 

Let's Delve Into my first issue...

 

GOSSIP.

 

You know those people that you whisper & gossip with, who share ugly things about other people to you, who talk negatively about others?   For some reason you trust them right?  Somehow it makes you feel good that they are sharing with you, doesn't it?  We LIKE to hear the gossip, we LIKE to hear the drama.  Let me ask you this.... If they are talking about other's to you, what makes you think that they aren't doing the exact same thing to you with someone else?  You think you can trust them without own secrets, with the things you struggle with, with your low point in life?  I bet that other person thought that they could trust them too!  

 

What about if you are having a "tiff" with someone else, how do you deal with it?  Do you run and talk to several different people getting their input and advice, or get their confirmation that you are in the right, trying to get them to be on your side?  Is it really any of their business?  Would you want the "other" person going around doing the same thing, or would it make you mad?  I know that it makes me BEYOND aggravated when I know that someone is spreading "their side" of the story to other people.  What you say to "your" people about other people is forever going to taint their opinion of said person", even if your opinion changes!!! 

 

People have such a hard time of forgetting the negative things in life.  Let's say that you go to a restaurant 10 times.  The first 9 times you had a great experience.  The food was excellent, the service was impeccable, everything was perfect.  The 10th time that you go, your appetizer's come out before your server brings you your drinks, and they are cold.   Then your server drops off your Salads 2 minutes after you get your appetizers.  Your drinks stay empty, the dishes stack up on the table, the baker is behind and you never get any of the renowned bread that you have been craving your MONTHS, your entrees come out and the server got your order wrong...you had a HORRIBLE experience! Which experience are you most likely to tell your friends about?  Statistics show that you are 10 times more likely to share the ONE negative experience over the NINE positive ones!  (I worked in the restaurant business for a LONG TIME, they bashed that statistic into our brains!) The negative experiences are the ones that get heard the loudest and remembered the longest.  And that's with something as petty as food!  Do you ever think about how much more you are negatively affecting someone's character & name when you speak ill of them to others?  You might personally see the 9 good & positive things about the person, but when you represent them in the negative light of your argument, people are only going to remember that person in that negative light!

 

I challenge you with this...  Before you open your mouth to say something about someone else...

 

Is it true?

Is it helpful?

Is it necessary?

Is it kind?

Is it encouraging?

Is it gracious?

Is it merciful?

Does it improve the silence?

 

If it is lacking in any ONE of those areas, then bite your tongue, swallow your words, and keep it to yourself..

 

Oh be careful little mouths what we SAY.  But Oh be careful little ears what we hear!  Do you have a negative perspective of someone because of what you have heard from others?  Have you ever actually given that person a chance, or just based your opinion of them off of the gossip of others?  I've personally been guilty of just that.  My opinion of someone was horrible based off what other people said and felt.  Thankfully, my husband called me out on it!  When I finally realized it, I was able to step back, and gave the person a chance, and guess what....I ended up really liking them!  I just had to give them a fair chance, wipe the slate clean of my perception based on someone else's opinion and allow myself to form my own opinion.  Then and only then was I able to see the situation for what it really was, and my heart broke because I knew that this person's character was completely slung through the mud based off of gossip and partial truths, from a few different people's opinions & hurt feelings.  Shame on me.        

 

Not Gossip

 

I didn't know what to call it when you are just plain mean to someone directly.  When we just say mean things, and cut people down directly to their face.  

 

Sticks and Stones may break your bones but words will never hurt me?  LIES.  It's all Lies.

 

Words hurt.  Words cut deep.  They scar us and sometimes they break us down and leave us handicapped.   

 

I hate the phrase, the truth hurts, but you needed to hear it!  

 

I challenge you with this...

 

Is it true?

Is it helpful?

Is it necessary?

Is it kind?

Is it encouraging?

Is it gracious?

Is it merciful?

Does it improve the silence?

 

If it is not ALL of those things, then I challenge you to bite your tongue, swallow those words, and be quiet.

 

{I do believe that there IS a time for rebuke.  There is a time when you should pull someone aside and confront them.  But you had better make sure that you have built the relationship, established the trust, and have earned the right to confront the person.  But that's another thought for another day.}

 

I will admit that I am an extremely insecure person.  It's something that I constantly battle and struggle with.  I crave verbal affirmation, and I wilt under negativity.  When someone is mean & ugly to me I fall apart.  It affects me more deeply that it should.  

 

But why oh why must we be so ugly to other people?  Why the negativity?  Why the meanness?

 

A blogger that I have followed for over a year just quit blogging because other bloggers were getting so ugly, for no reason!  This young lady is one of the sweetest bloggers that I know!  Now, you might say that if she couldn't handle negativity then she shouldn't be blogging.  But I dare say that if you didn't like what she had to say, if you felt the need to send her harassing e-mails and rude comments attacking her family, her husband, her newborn daughter, her life, then maybe you shouldn't be following her blog!  If she caused you that much stress that you had to lash out in anger and hostility, then why read her blog?  My initial thought is that when you make yourself transparent, and put yourself out there in the blogging community, you can expect some kind of negative comments here and there, it's to be expected.  But why is that?  If you don't like what someone has to say, then don't read it.  There is NO reason so get so ugly, to be so mean, to lash out in such anger!  There is a right way to express a difference of opinion without being cruel.  

 

There are people that I have had to stop following, whether it be on Facebook, Blogging, Twitter, or whatever form of social media because what they stood for or what they had to say just made me mad on a consistent basis!  I didn't create a fuss about it, and they don't even know that I quit following them!  Instead of struggling with negative thoughts, or gossiping about it, or letting myself get upset about it, I just hide their feed (I don't really believe in "unfriending people"), or quietly stopped following their blog.        

 

Some people just LOVE to stir the pot, create strife and heartache.  They love the drama.  They build themselves up by tearing other people down.  They get pleasure over ridiculing people and being negative.  They think it's their right and their duty, and they don't see anything wrong with it.  And sometimes, I don't even think that they know that they do it.  There are some people that I know that every time I am around them they are negative about something.  It doesn't really make me want to be around them. But it also makes me take a step back and reevaluate my own words.  There are some people that I feel the need to prove myself to, and somehow that translates into me being negative about other people in order to make myself look better.  In all reality, it just makes me look like a jerk!

 

I tend to shut down when people start to get ugly with me.  I don't want to get ugly back with them, and I really don't like conflict, so normally, I just shut down.  But there are times when I know that my words come across sharper than I intend them to, or when I am not showing love and grace and my words cut and hurt others.  I know that I fail at this over and over again.  

 

But today I challenge myself.  Today I challenge you.  Let us together learn to be people that are the kind of people that are known for being positive, for being kind, for being loving, for never speaking ill of someone else.  Let us go back to our younger training of, "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all".  

 

I'm not asking you to be friends with everyone, or to like everyone.  If there is someone in your life that brings out the negativity in you, or that you struggle being kind to, then I would challenge you to dig deep and find out what the root of the problem is.  Is there something that you need to work out with them?  Is there an unresolved issue that is continually festering?  Then deal with it.  Lovingly talk (not attack) to them about it.  We are always going to have to deal with people that rub use the wrong way or just seriously grind our gears.  But that does not mean that we have to allow them to control us to the point that they cause us to be angry and hateful!  Sometimes it is best to remove yourself from the situation so that you don't have to deal with them, if possible.  But the times that removing them from our lives isn't possible, but let's be grown ups about it and learn to live peaceable and civilly with people instead of being cruel and hateful.  We are going to always have people in our lives that are a thorn in our side, that bring out the hateful side in us, and that are constantly trying to make your life miserable.  Don't fight fire with fire.  Choose to love them.  Choose to show them grace.  Choose to be kind.     And most importantly....

 

 

 

And to the bloggers out there who choose to hide anonymously behind their computer screens, and tarnish blogland with your hatred and negativity, your typed words through a screen are still words, and they still cut deep and still break people.  You know who you are, and you should be ashamed of yourselves.  So before you speak through your little fingers dancing along the keys, the same should apply to you.  And if you don't like what someone has to say, while you do have the right to have your own opinion, there is a right way and a wrong way to express yourself.  And being mean, hateful and ugly is NOT it.  Once your words get out in cyberspace you can't take them back by just deleting them.  You have the potential to touch the lives of countless people, for better or for worse.  So choose your words carefully.  Oh be careful little fingers what you type!

 

 

xoxo,